October 15, 2007

Why I Made The Right Choice and Columbus Didn't

The other day, I sat at Captain Buzzy's working on a book design when I overheard some VCU medical students in a study group. They were throwing around words like glucosamine the way adcenter folk throw around the vis-solu.

There wasn't anything particularly odd about the whole situation. It was actually kind of nice. I imagined myself sitting next to Farrah and Mariam while they plotted ways to cure Cancer through the autonomic LSQWEM adapters. (As you can see I took some liberties in exact replications of the situation. I don't want you other med students reading this and trying to cure Cancer yourselves. Leave that to Farrah and Mariam.) I imagined myself sitting at the next table so when they contemplated the scientific details they could look over at me and I'd nod to feel like I had something to do with it.

Anyway, back to the plot. So things were going smoothly until one of the med students, let's call her Columbus, started repeating over and over "the nicotine" like she had solved world hunger. I became so distracted by her nicotine repeat button that I started listening to her try to elaborate on the subject.

As Columbus began to read from her notes, I realized she couldn't pronounce anything but nicotine. Every other word out of Columbus's mouth sounded like the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria were crashing into each other. And we know that's a horrible noise due to all the cannons that were sure to be on all those boats.

But as Columbus's boats were crashing into each other, it hit me. If I were at medical school I would be Columbus: the babbling idiot at the medical round table study session, making it even harder for the future doctors of the world to study. I would be the reason Cancer wasn't cured or that other students could only remember the nicotine part of some adaption something. I can barely pronounce cornucopia, let alone string together a sentence of these $45 words to create some sort of competent sentence.

No one trusts a doctor who can't even pronounce what is wrong with you. "I'm sorry sir, it looks like you have an acute case of melphselphliansismaleas? or is that melfsefinansimphia?" So if you ever run into a doctor named Columbus you might just want to be switched to another doctor. As for me, you're just stuck with my vis-solu's.


Farrah said...

Uh oh, I really can't pronounce words. I'm hoping my patients won't notice when I mutilate them. I have to use my stedman's dictionary on my computer to hear the pronunciation of medical words.

In addition, the concept of Mariam and I sitting next to each other curing cancer would be nice to imagine but it would never happen. If we ever did study together, I would draw pictures, Mariam would write stories, and we would send them to you via paper airplane. Then all studying would be forgotten and we'd all start gossiping about the hills. Hmm... I kinda wish this all would happen. Maybe Mariam and I should fly out to Virginia to study at Buzzy's.

not eb said...


JL said...

i sometimes find myself rocking back and forth whispering "vis-solu" over and over again. it's completely normal.

bunneh kitteh said...

i iz on da interwebz, reedin ur blogz.

Mariam said...

Farrah is right. Although I am very fond of Farrah, we are way too distracted when around each other. Here is usually what happens:

1) We do improv
2) We discuss indie movies
3) We discuss indie music
4) We discuss David Sedaris
5) or my personal favorite, we have sessions where she draws pictures and I write an accompanying story.

In short, not all medical school students are created equal. Sounds like the nicotine girl is way lame. Please don't have a bad impression of us though :)

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