Turns Out, I Do Have a Brother

His name is Lee and tonight was the second time I've met him. Upon first meeting him about a week or so ago, I didn't realize he was my long lost brother. Nope. I found out tonight at game night or should I say family game night. He is literally the son my father never had or did have?

Reasons I'm fairly certain Lee is part of our family include but are not limited to the following:

1. his jokes are my dads jokes
2. he falls asleep in movie theaters while i am the exact opposite and fall asleep during any home video watching (im not sure how this exactly proves anything yet, but the scientific notes will follow in due time)
3. he is 25 which means there is no logistical problem in the time line of life to have had him in the family.
4. he's super into fishing, snowmobiling and really everything my dad's into
5. he was wearing a shirt various hand guns on it tonight

Even though I can't exactly prove based on my first findings that Lee is in fact our family's long lost son/brother, it was nice to get a glimpse of what it would have been like growing up with a brother.

Snowmobiling

The Reason I Still Believe in The Good in People

My mom quilts. She has quilted since forever, but I’ve only seen the end results and occasionally she’ll ask my opinion on fabrics.

However, yesterday my mom took me to her quilting class. Now I’m not so sure what I pictured in my head of what it was going to be like but what it was I was never expecting.

We walked into the quilting room where busy body 80-90 year old women bustled around me sewing and pinning. They had created an assembly line of quilt making. There was one area for tying the batting to the fabrics, an area where the ends were pinned to be sewed, and then a sewing station.

They make all the quilts to either be given to the needy or sold for local charities. At their last sale they sold 99 quilts.

The feeling of being in the room with them was unlike anything I’ve ever felt. The ladies were all so warm like fluffy bunnies drinking hot coco by the fire, but it didn’t make me want to throw up. It actually made me really happy. Really happy. I wanted to stay with them quilting until the end of time. They didn’t talk about advertising or anything I’m normally accustom to talking about.

If you ever get a chance, go find a quilting group. I suggest you visit, at least once.

Almost Done.

Introducing Buzzy's Yahtzee

Imagine if you will the coffee shop equivalent to Yahtzee. If you are unfamiliar with Yahtzee see exhibit a. In this amazing new coffee infused version, in order to fulfill your 1 you have to get a person to get 1 lg Captain Buzzy's Blend. Not too difficult but fear not, challenges lie ahead. So to fulfill the 2 you have to get two consecutive customers to order the exact same thing. The same goes for 3 and 4. It's not every often that 5 people in a row order the same thing so 5 would probably be a Yahtzee. Yahtzee!

Now the tricky part is when you need to get a full house. Claire and I are still working out the details but we imagine for full houses you'd have to get two people to order 2 of the same thing then three of something.

However, none of this has been tested for feasibility, and I have a feeling we've made it a bit too hard considering most of the regulars don't order similar things in the same sizes. Maybe we could have bonus points for guessing what the regulars are going to have before they order.

As far as winning goes you'd play against your other co-workers, but then again it could be like Hoopla (see exhibit b) where everyone would play as a team. You'd add up scores at the end of the shift and rejoice at the pure joy of the Yahtzee fun. We still have to make up a score sheet and figure out most to the rules but generally speaking I foresee much fun to be had with this.

Mostly, this whole thing is an excuse for me to run around Buzzy's screaming Yahtzee.


exhibit a.


















exhibit b.

Chocolate Chigurh?

I Always Have The Best Blog Ideas At Work-

then i promptly forget them when I get home.

Turns Out, Richmond Isn't So Bad

The Source of All My Recent Creative Thought

Press HERE For Video*

*I'm technologically retarded so the picture isn't the video. Additionally, much thanks to Mr. Waffle Fries and Mr. Kenning for such a fine work of art. I will forever be indebted.

Today's Lunchtime Advice

Warm Toes Tonight

Lady: "Hello Richmond Department of Public Utilities can I have your name and address?"

Me: "Tor and we live in the only house in Richmond that doesn't have heat right now even though it's ridiculously cold out now."

Lady: "What can I help you with today?"

Me: "Well, I called last week and it seems I either missed the person who was going to turn on the gas or he didn't come."

Lady: "Oh yes, I see here he did stop by - he said the heat was already on."

Sometimes -

I wish I was a butterfly.

One Show College Competition

How'd they know I already did the photo shoot for Doritos campaign:














Gold Pencil Winner Right Here***

***If you don't understand the what I mean by the One Show***
As my jonathan bear (also, hi I miss you!!!) made it clear on the comment page, most of the world has no idea about the One Show. It's an ad award show where kiddies send in hand made ad drawings to win awards called pencils. Last year the client was Save the Whales or something: I didn't win a pencil. This year the client is Doritos: I already won a pencil.

Clorox Cuts Woman's Cravings By Nearly 95%

Richmond, VA- An Area woman discovered today that Burt's Bees was bought out by Clorox. While the company remains confident their fundmentals won't change the woman is unsure. When asked the Bees had this to say, "Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. " Which roughly translated says "Burt's & Bleach has a nice ring to it." While the bees had little to comment on, the area woman was of another opinion. She took us back to the beginings when times were easy and green was a color.

The woman's love affair began about three years ago when she purchased some Burt's Bees for her chronically chapped lips. She found the portfolio of the bees vast and she began making up problems with her body to justify purchases. From the time she "lost" her lip gloss to the one summer day when her roommate had a sun burn which prompted her to try Burt's Bees new after sun lotion. Every day a new excuse. Below is a showcase of her obsession:


However, after finding out Burt's Bees was sold to Clorox for $950 million dollars she is seems cured of her obsession. She fears new lines of Burt's Bees will include: Cherry Lemon Bleaching Face Peel, Tea Leaf Clorogloss, and Burt's Bees All Natural Bleach.

Caps vs. Avs

January 9th. Be there. Yes?

Hello China!

I enjoy the fact that linkeroos wasn't translatable.

Shark bites, Cyborgs, and Pants

Last night, I learned from a NPR article the hard hitting issues Dallas is dealing with these days. This is the newest and biggest in public awareness campaigns:


I know after seeing that you'll want to donate your time and money to the campaign since apparently in Dallas, asses are the cause of more deaths than murder, drugs, shark bites, and cancer combined!

I just adore this quote: "In Dallas, an interesting mix of politicians, hip-hop artists and white businessmen are announcing a citywide campaign with a simple message: Pull Your Pants Up." What's that you say? The white business men are concerned too? Wow, this must be a serious problem. I mean low hanging pants only afflicts black males, right? It's one of those rare single sex, single race epidemics.

The article only gets better: "Deputy Mayor Dwaine Caraway's work life usually involves economic development, crime, housing-code enforcement and stray dogs." His life work are stray dogs and crime? Why doesn't he gather the stray dogs and create a crime/housing-code fighting team?

Lyrics from the song "Pull Your Pants Up Man" (There is even song in this campaign!) are, "Is that your underwear, man? Pull your pants up" but in the article I learned that these days, "some folks that don't even have on underwear, period." May I suggest some new lyrics more along the lines of "Is that your underwear, man? No, man. That's just my ass."

On on a more serious less sarcastic note, I listened to the song three or four times last night and I could help but wonder if the song was doing more harm that good. The article ends by saying, "Dallas is taking a different approach, trying for the hearts and minds of its young people." Yet, their billboard and song lyrics tell another story, to me at least. The billboard headline reads, "Pull your pants up. It's rude, not cool. Walking around showing your behind to other dudes." In the song it say something like, "...showing your behind to other dudes. be a man." Though I can't speak for the gay male community, it sounds to me like that their definition of being a man means never looking at a man in a sexual way. I'm not even sure if this would be found offensive by the gay male community but it offended me.

But this situation isn't unique to Dallas. In Connecticut, the same problem was addressed about a year ago. While there was no rap to prove it, I found this quote from an article written highly amusing, "Last year, the WSJ’s Serena Ng described all sorts of problems for criminals who choose to wear them (saggy jeans) while they flee the police. 'When I catch them, I tell them they’d do much better if they had pants that fit,' says Jim Matheny, a 41-year-old police lieutenant in Connecticut." I may have missed something, but isn't catching criminals a good thing, assuming of course they are actually criminals? Shouldn't we be pro-saggy pants since they seem to think only "the criminals" wear saggy pants? Shouldn't the campaigns be about wearing over-sized shoes and other things to slow you down when trying to escape?

I'm just saying that people have the choice to look at other people's asses just as much as you have a choice to look at their faces. (unless you are buying those evil criminal cyborg pants) You can't tell an old person, "pull up your face gramps you're sagging" or tell someone with glasses "when the sun hits your glasses in just the right way it blinds me so they can't wear them - ever."

My rap would be, "keep you head up, make eye contact when you see people. smile at them once in a while. stop judging people by what they wear."

Small Challenges

Yesterday, the House of Payne went on a little family fun adventure to the Ashland Berry Farm. Once there we rode the hay ride amongst all the young married couples with their first children to harvest our loot. We chose the Ashland Berry Farm because we could get as many pumpkins as we could carry for $20, and since we had Joshy Robots, we figured we could get at least 15.

Once we were in the field, we did some research to figure out how many pumpkins we would be getting. The following is a step by step guide to getting the most pumpkins for your money.

Step 01 : Find the perfect pumpkin. This year the ones that chose me were oblong and tiny.


Step 02: Start loading them on robots



Step 03: More pumpkins. More Robot power


Step 04: seven pumpkins. one robot


Step 05: A family portrait and the pumpkin we decided on.


Well, we decided on that pumpkin and 19 others which we got all for $20. yay for family adventures!

I Miss -

Portuguese bean soup and sweet bread together. I had some sweet bread for dinner tonight but it just wasn't the same without the soup. I miss the homeland.

Why I Made The Right Choice and Columbus Didn't

The other day, I sat at Captain Buzzy's working on a book design when I overheard some VCU medical students in a study group. They were throwing around words like glucosamine the way adcenter folk throw around the vis-solu.

There wasn't anything particularly odd about the whole situation. It was actually kind of nice. I imagined myself sitting next to Farrah and Mariam while they plotted ways to cure Cancer through the autonomic LSQWEM adapters. (As you can see I took some liberties in exact replications of the situation. I don't want you other med students reading this and trying to cure Cancer yourselves. Leave that to Farrah and Mariam.) I imagined myself sitting at the next table so when they contemplated the scientific details they could look over at me and I'd nod to feel like I had something to do with it.

Anyway, back to the plot. So things were going smoothly until one of the med students, let's call her Columbus, started repeating over and over "the nicotine" like she had solved world hunger. I became so distracted by her nicotine repeat button that I started listening to her try to elaborate on the subject.

As Columbus began to read from her notes, I realized she couldn't pronounce anything but nicotine. Every other word out of Columbus's mouth sounded like the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria were crashing into each other. And we know that's a horrible noise due to all the cannons that were sure to be on all those boats.

But as Columbus's boats were crashing into each other, it hit me. If I were at medical school I would be Columbus: the babbling idiot at the medical round table study session, making it even harder for the future doctors of the world to study. I would be the reason Cancer wasn't cured or that other students could only remember the nicotine part of some adaption something. I can barely pronounce cornucopia, let alone string together a sentence of these $45 words to create some sort of competent sentence.

No one trusts a doctor who can't even pronounce what is wrong with you. "I'm sorry sir, it looks like you have an acute case of melphselphliansismaleas? or is that melfsefinansimphia?" So if you ever run into a doctor named Columbus you might just want to be switched to another doctor. As for me, you're just stuck with my vis-solu's.

I Sincerely Dislike

when people come in to Buzzy's at 1pm and expect there to be everything bagels. I must tell you my friends of this great town of Church Hill everything bagels are in hot demand.

I'm Glad Someone Got Around To It

In college, Caits and I saw a craigslist posting looking for people to be greeting card writers. We always thought it would be great to create useless cards for people. For example, "I'm sorry I ran over your cat. Twice" or "You're right, Mac and Cheese isn't a nutritious dinner."

Today, I was introduced to a delightful version of what we only imagined our cards to be. The site is Someecards. Here is a sneak preview of their amazingness:

Yummies

I was at the grocery store the other day and wandered aimlessly through the Halloween candy section. It got me thinking about one of my forgotten favorite candies: Lifesaver Swirl Pops. They come in blueberry/vanilla, strawberry/banana, cherry/vanilla, and orange/vanilla.

When I used to work my tourist job back home we would get the bulk boxes of them. When we would get them in I'd sort through them picking out my favorite: the blueberry/vanilla. They tasted so delicious. They didn't have them at the store. I wonder where I can get them these days.

Blueberry & Vanilla Swirl Pops. Those were the good old days.

Religious Ping Pong

We don't have a television at the House of Payne so I have selectively chosen one show I seek out on the internet. This show was carefully chosen one night when I was visiting my parents in Washington this summer. My mom was watching So You Think You Can Dance so I needed to choose something more thrilling to watch instead. I chose the Real World: Sydney. So I'm not sure how those past sentences justify watching the show but I admit it: I'm watching this season of the Real World, but this time on the internet.

I was watching the latest and greatest of the formulaic debacles when the episode discussed religion. In our culture class right now, we have a project to get people talking about religion. During group meetings, we found it so hard to discuss religion in any sense without feeling a little weird, but strangely enough the cast on the Real World, perhaps the least real people on the planet were more than able to discuss the topic. Well, actually it wasn't really a discussion at all. It was more like a screaming fest where in the end they just kept yelling back and forth "you're not listening to me. you're not listening to me." We learn a very valuable lesson here: Real World is still amazing after all these years. So very much to learn. Just yell when someone has an opposing idea and scream, "you aren't listening to me."

The ping pong story is as follows: I like to wear pink dresses to my intramural ping pong games because it makes me so unassuming.

UPDATE!!!: I was googling for a pink dress to put up as a picture but somehow I stumbled upon the show that is going to take the place of the Real World. Pageant Place. Holy shit what's better than seven strangers duking it out? Miss USA, Miss Teen USA, and Miss Universe screaming at each other! I hope they get into a religious debate. "Umm... well according to maps like my favorite religion is save africa and asia."

The Delay

I have stories I promise! I am neglecting the blog but I have a story about religion and ping pong to share. soon! soon. i promise.

Designsweet And A Happy Birthday

I met Sylvia Suh this summer when she started working for tda advertising and design. Her work is pretty rad. Below is one of my favorite pieces. If you are intrigued this is her website.













Also as an aside, I wanted to thank dan for this blog posting because he suggested I blog about sylvia's site when he saw me looking at it in the lab today. It is altogether fitting it was dan since year ago two days ago he created this blog for me. So lets all toast to dan for being such a stellar dude. Happy Birthday blog! Happy Birthday

My Bried Romance With A Richmond Police Officer

I don't spend much time hanging out with the Richmond police besides the occasional pass off liquid energy to a few regulars who come in to Buzzy's, but I got a quick lesson in law enforcement the other night.

I was driving up Broad toward Church Hill when I went to make a left turn. I signaled and was waiting for the oncoming traffic to clear, except that the oncoming car started slowing down. I quickly realized it was a police car. I was wondering why they were slowing but then the car turned on it's lights and stopped flush with my window. I rolled down my window thinking "Is it not legal to turn left on green in Richmond? Did they finally figure out it was me that once escaped the VCU parking structure without paying my $3.25 when I didn't know it was only for monthly card holders only?"

Nope. This rather handsome police officer said instead, "Your lights are off." I responded with something along the lines of "oh my gosh. Thank you so much." But what I really wanted to say was, "Holy crap, you are the hottest police officer I've ever seen. Stop into Buzzy's sometime." Alas, that was it. He told me to have a good night and my 15 second romance ended as quickly as it started.

A Game I Play

I started this game at work when there are no customers and no coffee pots to fill where I hook people in the personals section with other people from the personals. Yesterday was my first go at it in some time and I think I found two really great match ups.



The first:

Hello There
Hard working, active lady, 48, loves walks, the lakes, quiet nights, watching movies, more. Seeking honest, trustworthy man, sincere and kind, to share companionship, maybe more.

I set her up with:

Hopeful Romantic
Handsome, SWPM (single white professional male), youthful, 45, tall, brown/blue, seeking an attractive, intelligent, tender-hearted, SF (single female), black hair A+. Must love lake activities.

This is all really leading up to the big matchmaking beauty I created. I don't want to brag but I think I did an awesome job. They are a match made in heaven, or somewhere at least.

Looking 4 My Harley Man SF, 44, seeks perfect Harley man to whisk me away into the sunset on his hog. Must be loyal, honest, and trustworthy, independent, caring, compassionate and good-humored. Is it you?

It's not me, but I certainly think it's this guy:

Hoping SWCM (single white christian male), 43, 5'8'', very romantic, enjoysthe outdoors and riding Harley's seeking a SWCF, 34-50, N/S, who is not afraid of taking a ride. Let's get together.

I wish them the best of luck.

The House of Pineapple Payne

From these photos you can't really tell that this house is a mansion. It's a pretty killer place to live so far. More photos to come.

sherbie

One Step Closer to Victory

That's right folks. Take another ring off those construction paper countdown chain because we're only 70 days away:


side note: if you haven't started a construction paper countdown chain, may i suggest making a black, blue and gold one with a pattern of: blue, blue, gold, black, blue, blue. It looks just stellar. here is a link to see an ugly less amazing version: crappy countdown chain that thinks it's cool.

DIA: The Best Aquarium Ever

While driving to the Seattle airport before it was even bright and early, so early in fact that is was late as opposed to early, I realized why I like the Denver International Airport (DIA) so much. Unlike other airports comparable to its size and traffic flow, DIA doesn’t bombard you with signs.

There aren’t billboard-size signs every three inches, like the media buy was buy one get eight free. DIA doesn’t panic you. As the signs progress they don’t make you question the one before it. While driving through other airports you think, Oh departures left and arrivals right, but that last sign just said port access left? All the while you are attempting to navigate through and around taxi drivers who are shouting at you for not going faster. Unlike the veteran taxi drivers, I have no idea which signs are telling the truth. They are all just green and white signs. Oh no that last sign was blue. What do the blue signs mean? Wait this road goes to Milwaukee?

No. DIA would never worry the mind. The airport is quite visible from a distance so you just drive toward it. Just one highway with exits. There aren’t unnecessary amounts on and off ramps with tricky turns. You are, after all, trying to figure out how to get to your proper location, not taking drivers test: deluxe edition. If you ever question, Is this the right way, which you won’t all you need to do is drive toward the monstrous mountain-circus tents and reassure yourself, yes indeedy you are getting closer to those whales of the sky.

Now, about the signs. They are enormous and scanable: just find your flight on the list and you’ll know which terminal you need to head toward. They give you this information nine miles before the airport so you need not panic. There are only two choices to make: terminal west (nearer to the mountains) and terminal east. They don’t have useless information on the signs before it becomes imperative that you know the information. No excessive signs saying right lane this left lane that.

Navigating through DIA is as easy as the succumbing to overwhelming urge to knock the shit out of the child who woke me from my airborne slumber on the Orca (I flew Alaska Air) screaming, 1 – 2 – 3 – 4 I declare a thumb war!



photo: me on the orca this morning before being woken up.
i sat in 13B, which is where the little splashes are after the white dot near the eye.

I'm A Lass Who Loves Berries and Creme.

Who wants to go berry picking with me in the good old Virginia? I've done a little research, perhaps a bit too much time on berry farms in Virginia. I thought that the Westmoreland Berry Farm was the best because they have the most fruit right now and you can also pick the berries yourself. No point in driving an hour not to pick them yourselves eh? The following delicious fruits are in season at the end of August: blackberries, raspberries, peaches and apples. So who's with me?


photo: how delightful our findings will look.

I Caught Trout

baby ones.

A Trip Home

As I traveled along the mountain highways of eastern Washington today, I saw two blonde haired girls no older than thirteen sitting on a tractor. They reminded me of the times when Erica and I would ride around the neighborhood on a John Deere tractor. Before we could drive, it was our favorite mode of transportation, but when we used it usually meant that we were selling flowers or corn for Erica’s family farm.

We would sit at the top of the road with our farm fresh corn signs, which tourist usually read as, “please ask us directions to the nearest gas station.” Most of the time we gave good directions.

While the corn was a much more legitimate business venture than most of the other things we tried to sell, sometimes business was slow. During those times we would get ridiculous and make up silly sayings. We segmented our automotive audience into two very well researched groups: “Wavers must be savers” and “Non-lookers must be hookers.” There sure were a lot of non-lookers, which probably explains why maui is such a huge vacation destination. Maui no ka oi. Hana hou. Hana hou.

Also as a delightful aside, my parents and I ate dinner with a deer tonight. The doe grazed outside while we ate our couscous inside. Have you ever eaten couscous with a deer? I thought not.

Arnold Palmer

While I know little about golf and much less about Arnold Palmer, I do know I very much enjoy one of his favorite drinks. The half iced tea half lemonade combination was something I'd occasionally toss together at work when there were a few left over lemons but not enough for a whole glass of lemonade. I recently purchased the Nantucket Nectars version of the Arnold Palmer which they call Half and Half.


The green circle you can't read says, "Half & Half" and under that "Half Lemonade ~ Half Iced Tea." I would have much prefered if they threw everyone off and it instead read, "Half & Half" and under that "2/3 Lemonade ~ 1/3 Iced Tea."

2 for $4.88 or Amazing?

At Target today I came across these:
I really really wanted to purchase a box to just to have the packaging. However, I am currently broke and had to go for the 2 for $4.88 deal instead of fronting $6- for one beautifully packaged Rembrandt. I'm pretty sure I won't be able to resist the purchase next time I get some toothpaste.

photos: designed by little fury littlefury.com. also, while researching who designed the packaging i found this delightful blog thedieline.com.

Update:

just in case anyone forgot.

Fruit Bowls and Explosions

While googling yesterday for cereal, I came across a photo which triggered childhood memories.

When I was young, Erica and I ate a lot of food. This meant we spent most of our days sitting on bar stools staring at erica's mom of salt and pepper shaker collection while eating delicious meals.

Our menu favorites were: 7 layer bean dip, popcorn with brewers yeast, chili and rice, saimin*, rice-a-roni and pepsis with sour cream and onion pringles. Because we spent much of our time in the kitchen eating things this has caused me to have a fond attachment to the tools required to eat things. I saw this photograph of the bowls which were the very same as the ones we'd eat our delicacies off.



photo: Not all the bowls had cherries at the bottom. Some were peaches or plums. I'm sure there were more but those were the ones that really stood out.

I was just reminded of another time when Erica, Shasta, and I decided to make BLTs. I wasn't too excited about the meal so I was upstairs to play SimFarm and/or SimPark. When I decided to come downstairs to the kitchen, I was on the last few stairs and all I heard was what sounded like a gun shot. Turns out that when orange juice is old the directions "shake well" shouldn't apply. Erica shook the orange juice into explosion. I walked into a kitchen covered in orange juice. After about 10 seconds of shock, we started cracking up. Then Erica started panicking that her mom would come home to such a wreck so we had to clean up before anyone found out. We did our best, but I'm pretty sure the kitchen had a lingering smell of extra pulp Tropicana.

*Saimin is a noodle soup developed in and unique to hawaii. inspired by japanese ramen, chinese mein, and filipino pancit, saimin was developed during hawaii's plantation era. (credit:wikipedia) Mostly though we would make ramin out of the packages but it was always called saimin to us.

Picture of the Day

photo: i didn't take this photograph. i stole it from the internets.

It's only 96 days away

That's right folks. The Richmond Renegades opening hockey game. Who's with me? I can tempt the non-hockey inclined folk with delicious hot dogs (with hot dog buns made of soft pretzel). oh yes, and beer.



photo: count down clock from the renegades site

On Drawing

I started doing it again. I rather like it. Almost as much as I'll like going to the hockey game on january 9th. reminder you only have 179 days to respond to the previous post. it's going to be a hoot.

An Open Invitation To The Big Leagues

who: you? but for sure me.
what: colorado avalanche vs washington capitals
when: wednesday, jan. 9 at 7.00 pm
where: verizon center, washington dc

i strongly urge you to be there. it's going to be amazing.


photo: Joe Sackic and some defenseman for the caps who doesn't matter.

Additionally,

i often miss having long hair.

Three Things I Thought Today

01. I should watch The Pest again. "I told you I get sea sick." "Well, no duh."

02. I fear Peter Forsberg will retire soon.

03. Tea is hard to brew in cold water, but it's worth the wait.

Another Collection.

I really want an orchid collection. It was my favorite part about the fair every year. The only exception when I got second place in the haku competition; I was one of two entrants. I would walk through the stuffy War Memorial Gym looking at crazy hybrid orchids with my dad. I miss that, so I'm thinking about replicating it. I'll do without the yucky gym.

The orchid I have is named Prince William. (orchid credit: PW was a birthday gift from farrah) Perhaps, I'll work on getting the whole royal family first.

An update on the inspector stickers: I just got #9 and I literally just found a #4 on my shirt. amazing.

A Story About Herbs With Many Tangents In Between

When I was a child, my neighbor and dear friend Erica and I often got bored. So bored, in fact, that we once spent an entire weekend crafting a book called, What To Do When We're Bored. To make this splendid book, we spent all weekend on one of the best computer programs ever, Creative Writer.

photo: creative writer amazingness

So, yes, we were bored children. On a particularly boring day, prior to the creation of the gem, What To Do When We're Bored, we decided to go door-to-door selling herbs. However, we first had to find herbs to sell. My house had an abundance of mint so we harvested that first. We loaded our herbs into Erica's Radio Flyer (mentioned in Friday, March 30th 2007 prior posting). So we had mint, and that was about it. I believe we managed to find some basil from a garden we had started at one point in our lives, and we found chives at my house, although the chives had grown so large they didn't actually taste like chives anymore. It was more like wheat grass with a hint of chive.

Let's recap: we had basil, chives, and mint. Some would think these three herbs could sustain a very healthy business in herb selling, but we wanted more! So what did we do? We realized where we could get herbs: our neighbors yards! Perfect. Erica's neighbor had a huge bay leaf tree and a massively overgrown rosemary bush. We pillaged the neighborhood and looted the green treasures.

By the time we had all our herbs together, we began bickering. (We had the most fights over Scatergories category answers. For example, is a llama considered a farm animal?) This time we fought over the pronunciation of herb. Was the 'h' silent? In the end, we agreed it was silent based on the fact that it was silent when Erica's sister said she wanted herbal essence's shampoo.

After that minor setback, we started knocking on doors selling our mostly stolen loot. In the end we made about $7 dollars. The best part was went we went to Erica's neighbor's house. She decided to purchase the bay leaves from her very own yard. At the time I didn't realize how awesome it was that we sold something to someone that they already owned. We were such rebels.

photo: bay leaves

As a strange aside ending, I just remembered how much I hated talking to neighbors because I was so shy. I'd tell Erica that I'd do the talking after she told me she talked at the last eight houses, but then I'd knock on the door, panic, say nothing and Erica would end up talking to the neighbors.