Clorox Cuts Woman's Cravings By Nearly 95%

Richmond, VA- An Area woman discovered today that Burt's Bees was bought out by Clorox. While the company remains confident their fundmentals won't change the woman is unsure. When asked the Bees had this to say, "Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. " Which roughly translated says "Burt's & Bleach has a nice ring to it." While the bees had little to comment on, the area woman was of another opinion. She took us back to the beginings when times were easy and green was a color.

The woman's love affair began about three years ago when she purchased some Burt's Bees for her chronically chapped lips. She found the portfolio of the bees vast and she began making up problems with her body to justify purchases. From the time she "lost" her lip gloss to the one summer day when her roommate had a sun burn which prompted her to try Burt's Bees new after sun lotion. Every day a new excuse. Below is a showcase of her obsession:


However, after finding out Burt's Bees was sold to Clorox for $950 million dollars she is seems cured of her obsession. She fears new lines of Burt's Bees will include: Cherry Lemon Bleaching Face Peel, Tea Leaf Clorogloss, and Burt's Bees All Natural Bleach.