Adventures in Shopping on The Interwebs

I only have two pairs of jeans that I wear/fit-into, so I thought getting a new pair or two would be a good idea seeing as I have 28 dresses but wear jeans almost every day. So a few weeks ago, I found two pairs on Zara's website: one pair of super skinny grey jeans and to offset those, a comfy pair of mom jeans. The day after I bought them, I got a call saying the grey jeans were no longer available but the other pair was on its way. As some sort of "we'll make it up to you" they gave me a 10 step process to get free express shipping on my next order. It seemed totally presumptuous and a bit ridiculous to go through 9 more steps than I normally go through for my order to get to me 3 days sooner. But now we're getting off track.

5-10 standard shipping days later, my new jeans showed up. I always get stupidly excited about new clothes, so I tried them on as soon as I could. The first thing I noticed as I started to put them on was this black lining on the inside, which I thought was a bit weird. But I quickly rationalized that the jeans were designed with a built-in hip-t, but as I got them all the way on (which took some doing) the jeans half way down my bum. Things just weren't adding up. These were the weirdest mom jeans of all time.

Exhibit A:

Then finally, like an idiot, it all finally came together. These weren't the comfy, waist-line-right-below- your-boobs mom jeans I had envisioned; these were mum jeans, you know, jeans for pregnant ladies. That hip-t action wasn't to cover your backside when you bend over but in fact a nest for your baby lump. Then then another realization hit me. I just tried on pregnant lady jeans and they barely fit. Way to go fatty. 

Lesson learned: Mum + Mom jeans should be avoided until you are about to be one or you actually are one.