viral re-gifting: tis the season for a faux pas

UPS re-gifting site as seen above and below?
link to site here


Sierra Mist Cranberry Lemon Diet Aqua Horse Shoe Splash as seen above and above?
link to site here

And the moral of our story: one should re-gift a Sierra Mist in a UPS box this holiday season.

Spolier Alert: Quote To Follow Title

"In the last quarter of the twentieth century, at a time when Western civilization was declining too rapidly for comfort and yet too slowly to be very exciting, much of the world sat on the edge of an increasingly expensive theater seat, waiting – with various combinations of dread, hope, and ennui – for something momentous to occur."

go vote.

Please Someone –

Kill the visual solution. 

Thanks, tor

Pure Originality

Nothing we will ever do in our lives is formed out of complete originality. From birth we are taught things that have been taught before. Society's very existence depends on duplications of language and belief. It is our own ignorance that makes us think we are original. 

However, I would say that we do not "steal" original thoughts because we mean to be vindictive or claim other's ideas as our own. In a way it isn't our fault, but yet also entirely our fault.

Pure originality is the inability to pinpoint the particular sources from which something was created.

Heart

B is for Beer

Sometimes I Confuse My Wants with Needs

Like how i NEED this bag:

Photo Credit: TRKFLD. They make bags.

Street-Side Mercantile

On the street today there sat the abandoned remains of Hemingway. He lay, self-contained in the modern revival of his ink to parchment. I thought it funny to come across his words when there was not a cloud in the sky. I only hope I can sneak Hemingway to his new library before he notices because I have yet to purchase an umbrella in this fair city.   

A Long Time Ago

I knew first three chords to the Beatles "Michelle". That was the height of my musical career. You should have been there. You would have thought it was pure magic.

I Have A New Saying

coo coo bananas.

Additionally, I love it.

past phrases:

lame-o

lameburgers

horse shit
holy hot sauce

Doppelgangers

Whenever I'm in a new city I find that all the people I come across remind me of someone I know. Today I saw many people I knew but I didn't know them. I wondered to myself if it would be weird to go up to one of them and tell them that I sorta knew them. Maybe that would be a good way to get to know people. But then I would get all my friends confused because they would all start to look the same.

Perhaps this isn't the best idea. 

This also reminds me of the time I was in the National Portrait Gallery and I saw a friend of mine in a painting from the 1800s. In the painting, he was a farmer holding pumpkins. So I know this sort of thing has been around for a long time. 

I also have found people by googling random things and stumbled across familiar faces. 

Perhaps there is a rotation of approximately a few thousand people in this world but when they have different hair cuts and clothing they seem to look different. If you see my others frantically wave hello like you know them. I think they will appreciate it. 

No Pants Ice Cream Thursday: The Beginning

A blog posting by Farrah on how No Pants Ice Cream Thursdays came to be:

1. Let's say you get home from riding the Dash in Boulder and your pants are sopping wet, and your ankles are getting cold. You need to take off your pants at the door.

2. Let's say on your way to your room to put on some non-wet pants, you get distracted by the kitchen, get some ice cream, and decided to eat it while watching television, and incidentally discover the joy of not wearing pants and eating ice cream.

A dream is born!

Veronica Mars

I re-started Veronica Mars the other day (three days ago to be exact) and i re-watched the entire first season. It was just as amazing as the first time. This brings me back to the very first time I had even heard of Veronica Mars in college.

Farrah and Anna-Liisa were explaining to us how they had to go watch this new show they got into called Veronica Mars. They explained the set up of the very first episode where (this is a spoiler if you don't want the very first episode ruined for you) they found out Veronica Mars is a now outcast high school detective whose best friend has just been killed, her boyfriend has broken up with her mysteriously, she was raped at a party, her mother has disappeared, and there is a biker gang.

All I envisioned at the time was that it was a teen version of Murder She Wrote. Farrah went on to explain that one of the main reasons they wanted to keep watching the show was that they couldn't figure out how they could keep up with a plot like the had in the first episode. Their logic made me curious too. So the Hotties Pi and Jonathan would meet up every Thursday (I think) to watch Veronica Mars to see how the mysteries would unfold. We also turned Thursdays into No Pants Ice Cream Thursdays though I can't remember the logic behind the event.

The first two seasons are true gems. However, the third season doesn't have the same quality of the first two, but you don't care because you've grown so attached to the story in the first two seasons that you just want the story to continue on. We lose great character dynamics and we are forced to put importance on new characters because our true favorites are missing. It is my opinion that Veronica Mars wasn't really supposed to be a long lived TV series; it's more of a wonderful 40 hour movie. And if you have a soul you too will love the series.

I Just Saw A Naked Man

He was on screen saver at the coffee & internet cafe I'm at. The next photo was a cat sitting on a basketball. That was followed by a puppy sitting on a cat's face. I think there was a theme going on.

To My Previous Post

I hate grammar so much I've decided to move to San Francisco where I am told grammar doesn't exist and all communication is a series of clicks and hums. See mom, I can run away from my problems.

I Feel Bad.*

I spit on a rat last night in the subway. I got some deflected spit from my poor aim on his furry little body, but he scared me with his shifty eyes. It won't happen again little guy. I know the burden I carry forevermore.

*thanks jonathan. you are my hero.

A Selection of Short Stories

I remember once when I was young watching my mom unload the dishwasher while I pretending I was a cat named Muffin.

I used to get all dressed up in my cowboy boots to sing songs and play my mom's ukulele. That was in the living room with the yellow shag carpet.

Pretending to be a mermaid in my grandparents pool.

The Peter Pan ride at Disneyland when I was two years old. It was awesome.

I once got a bloody nose from falling down the driveway because I was running too fast or perhaps not fast enough.

I'm Leaving The Child In Me At Home

photo credit: a yard sale posting on facebook

Tor And The Mystery Of The Holland Shirt Experience

Whenever I wear my Holland shirt people always as me if I'm from Holland. I never get questioned about my origins when I'm wearing any of my other shirts.

Fire Ants on a Log

Just like ants on a log but with cranberries instead of raisins. Delicious.

My Dream Home: The 2nd And Final Chapter

I went to visit it today. It was destroyed. Someone destroyed my dreams. I will destroy them.

Attn: Creative Directors Please Hire Jillian Dresser

me: "i got an email from this lady saying that i wouldn't be the right fit for the apartment because i have a rabbit."

jillian: "maybe she's a carrot."

Of The Big Apple.

I understand everyone and no one all at the same time.

Please Don't Lie To Me

me: "the sausage, egg and cheese croissant?"
lady: "oh i ordered a sausage and cheese croissant. no egg. – i could take it off."
me: "no, no I'll fix the order for you."
lady: "well – i am allergic."


ingredients in our croissants:
sugar, yeast, flour, milk, salt, sugar, eggs, and butter

Dream Home

I found it!!! I've always envisioned my dream home to be window-less and door-less. Dreams really do come true. They really do.

Turns Out-

I don't frequent my blog.

Turns Out, The One Club Doesn't Frequent My Blog

I know this comes as shocking news to all but had they been avid readers Gaurav and I would have never won the client pitch if they saw our first round of concepts:

first idea

Gangs of New York/Boulder

Over the summer I spent some time pretending to be cooler than I am at tda advertising & design. At the time, we were throwing around concepts for Celestial Seasonings. By the end of the summer none of the concepts were pushed through to production, and I had to come back to Virginia. But eventually Brad and Will got this beauty through:
















I loved the idea mostly because I work at coffee shop and get to hear the ridiculous orders that are made just so the person can secretly say this with their order, "Hey barista, I understand coffee so much that I'm going to make your life a living hell by making you spend 10 minutes on my stupid order that I'll end up spilling on the way back to my car, but it's okay because I'm actually on a diet right now but I still had to buy this to make you think I'm cultured".

But I loved it even more when I was at the coffee shop one day and I saw a man reading the New York Times. On the back of the paper was this ad:















It like a west coast coffee vs tea gang fight, and I was on the outskirts in one of those gangs.

The Ellipsis

I hate the ellipsis. [...]

Actually, I hate the mis-usage of the ellipsis. It does not mean to take a brief break from writing to eat a bagel and come back and finish the sentence. If the last sentence read: "It does not mean to take a brief break from writing to eat a bagel... and come back and finish the sentence", it would mean something happened somewhere between the half eaten bagel and finishing your sentence that you aren't willing to tell me about. And personally, either tell me what happened or don't. Please don't taunt me with the a great literary bagel mystery.

Please do not use the ellipsis to build suspense. They do not build suspense. They construct unending mysteries that not even Sherlock Holmes can solve because technically they are not mysteries at all, but instead just the misuse of a grammatical symbol.

Run, Ran, Runned

I was told recently by a friend that it takes 21 days to make anything a habit. I've only got 20 more days to go with this whole running bit.













At least there are delightful trees and spring flowers along the way to keep me motivated.

Carrot Cake

Why is it that carrot cake always have frosted carrots on top of the cake? Strawberry cakes don't have giant frosted strawberries on the top. It's almost like a warning: Watch out under this cake is a vegetable attempting to be a fruit!

Good News Friends

It's almost summer time and the weather will be right and we'll be able to touch right up and touch the sky.

Thank goodness.

Don't Eat This

Eat This

Sassy Subway Designs

Round Two

Goodbye Minnesota Wild. Hello, Detroit Red Wings. Prediction Avs win series in seven games.



















Photo title: Peter Forsberg: Wears A Belt
Also, little known fact: my stalker pen name is Patrick Tragardh.

See Forgetting Sarah Marshall If-

• you've seen Blue Crush 1,000 times like me and still enjoy the numerous plot and character flaws

• you know Kristen Bell was the star of Veronica Mars, the CW's teen detective show, that got canceled after its third season

• if you know Kristen Bell was a lead in a shitty movie about the internet killing people

• you know that they used the same local guys in the film as they did in Blue Crush

• if you'll notice that the outside of the hotel was the same from Blue Crush but not the inside

• if you call toilet paper, doo doo paper

Otherwise, you will not find this movie nearly as amusing as I did.

Sometimes I Forget -

the people in this life who really make life worth living. I got a voicemail today from two of my favorite people of all time telling me that they wished I was with them sitting at the coffee shop with them. Sometimes it's easy to forget in this fake advertising world of magic and dungeon-like world (ie the brandvertising center) the things in life truly worth living for.

So in honor of them bringing my health status back to full strength I give them in return what i like to call "the happiness montage":

I Heart This Anal Bum Cover

Dreamweaver

It's not the devil I thought it was. Here's a sweet website I took part in coding freshman year of college. Perhaps a highlight of my art directing career.

here is the linkeroo

this link leads you to a forbidden site. that sounds dangerous. apparently the site is gone - forever. may it live in my memory forever. for those who never saw the glory, imagine a link to the best site of all time. it was sorta like that.

Bagel Update

Yesterday we baked 20 everything bagels. By noon we had no bagels, but we also had no complaints. The meaning of this is still unclear.

there is a bridge
somewhere out there
where one day we'll stand.

Lessons I Learned Today

• Dreamweaver makes me want to cry.

• Sometimes people try too hard to swear. They sound stupid.

Resumé Brings Back Interesting Memory

I was working on my resumé today - for a really long time.

So long, in fact, that I had a sudden recollection about how when I was a child I had an extensive collection of abridged classic novels. A few I remember off the top of my head were: Black Beauty, Twenty Thousand Leauges Under the Sea, and Wuthering Heights.

The strange thing about these abridged versions was how much longer in page number were in comparison to the real versions; however, this was something I wouldn't come to learn until much later in life. They were sometimes almost double in size because the font size was increased at least double a McDonald's menu and there was a drawing of the previous page on every other page.

I believe the picture pages were bad for an imagination like mine.* I thought it was awesome that I had read so many classic books, but then when I actually had to read some of the classics in school, I couldn't remember much of the plot or characters. I have a strong feeling this was due to the fact that I didn't actually read the books but instead make up my version of the classics based on the drawings.

I managed to work this story into my resumé. The abridged version of course. It's all I know.

*for those who have imaginations like mine

Looking Out The Window

This morning in the bathroom, I looked out the window and noticed that the house across the street has two different colored roof ball decorations. One is red and one is white. I wondered why all day.

dear nate,

please don't talk to EB that way.*

thanks, tor

*short blog syntax stolen from eb's blog

dear eb,

i'm sorry i used your short sentence blog syntax.

thanks, tor

"Wow"

I once met Peter Forsberg. I waited in line for two and a half hours to have a brief but glorious converstation. It went as follows:

Me: ::staring in shock and awe:: "Wow."
Peter: "How long have you been waiting in line?
Me: "Two hours." :: followed by more awkward staring::

While he probably has no recollection of this moment where our lives briefly aligned (while this alignment was due to my obvious intervention), I'm certain it is the entire reason he has decided to become an Avalanche again. Oh Sweden, you never let me down.

Does Burning Myself-

with the hot sauce count?*

*short sentence syntax acquired from eb's blog.

I need

to stop burning myself at work.*


*short sentence syntax acquired from eb's blog.

First Grade and the Orange Marmalade

As the title of this story suggests, this tale takes place during the first grade. Travel with me now back to Mrs. Baker's first grade class at Kula Elementary School. There we were, the whole class sitting in a big circle waiting for Mrs. Baker to bring in a surprise she had been talking about all week. She took out a box of crackers and she put her hand in a small brown paper bag. As she pulled it out you could tell it was a jelly jar, but more specifically it was a jar of shining orange marmalade. I remember being really excited to try marmalade because I had gone for all 7 years of my life without trying it.

However, on this day I never got to try the orange marmalade. Mrs. Baker told us some horse poopy story about how we were a bad class, but how bad could first graders get in 91'? She went on and informed us that she wasn't going to let us have the orange marmalade. I remember her recklessly stuffing the marmalade back into the paper bag, and my memory fades after that. Mrs. Baker probably forgot it was her turn for snacks at the faculty meeting. Either that or she was an evil orange marmalade taunter.

Anyway, for years after that scaring experience, I've had adverse reactions to orange marmalade. I distinctly remember on a few occasions telling people I didn't like orange marmalade, but wasn't true because I hadn't ever tried it.

Eventually, I did finally have orange marmalade, and it is ever so delicious. I think I've cured my Pavlovian response to orange marmalade because today I bought a whole shiny jar of orange marmalade.

I thought maybe to get back at Mrs. Baker that I'll travel to an elementary school tomorrow taunting the first graders with the jar of orange marmalade but im sure the first graders of 08' would be too busy checking their email on their iphone* or something to care about a little old fashion orange marmalade.

I've also decided that "orange marmalade" makes for a good code phrase for something; I'm not sure what yet though.


*I wonder how many years it will take before iphone and ipod won't come up as spelling errors on spell check. I bet at least before my kids are in first grade.

Richmaui

richmond breeze -
you tricked me.
I thought I was back home.
running through the yard-
barefoot.

Oh Advertising.

There was some football game on the other night where they ran some awesomely overpriced, overly celebrity endorsed, and overly played-out concept-less advertisements. I say this mostly because I had a book ready piece which required a monster pigeon with the head of Justin Timberlake drinking a coke while sending a package. Now people will just think I'm stealing. damn.

Turns Out-

I'm already an accomplished actress as the "voice of planets," editor, and still photographer.











Alright, alright you got me. I this isn't my IMDB listing. However, I was once and extra in a City Bank* commercial. At least now I have big dreams of being the voice of the universe to beat out this Victoria and her measly planet voice over.

*City Bank should not be confused with its more popular cousin Citi Bank.

Instead Of Concepting To Change The World-

Jason and I came up with a great Onion headline to run this week:

Heath Ledger's "Death" Conspiracy to Boost Economy

French Fries

oh so versatile.

The National Football League

Football is not my favorite sport. Football is not my least favorite sport. But it is, however, the sport I make the most numerous nonsensical loyalties and hatreds for teams.

The list of unjustified hatred for NFL teams (in order of hate):
• Dallas Cowboys
• New England Patriots
• Oakland Raiders
• San Fransisco 49ers

The NFL teams of unjustified loyalties (in a slightly more random order):
• Kansas City Chiefs
• Seattle Seahawks
• Indianapolis Colts
• I used to have a Houston Oilers milk cover. I wish they were still a team so I could share my irrational loyalties for them too.

The Ballots Are In

And I'm voting the word "like" off my island. I think this is going to be harder than the time I gave up swearing for lent. I'm hoping this photo will keep me motivated:

Hurry It Up Evolution

I hope someday hockey players are just born without appendixes or spleens so they wouldn't miss games getting them removed.

beets

I've avoided beets for 23 years and 10 months though I'm not exactly sure why. Beets seem to have made it on the universal list of foods people have to hate even though they've never tried them. Other members of the list include: brussel sprouts, spinach, and liver.

I decided the other night to eat from the taboo food list starting with the beet.

Of course at first when asked if I wanted a beet I said, "Oh no. I don't like beets." I stood at the kitchen counter realizing I had no idea if I liked beets or not, but I still blurted out the words. After I retracted my statement I threw a beet ball on my plate. It looked like a squishy, bloody eyeball.

So there we were: tor and her new squishy, magenta friend. I suppose we weren't friends just yet. Well, that's the thing, I'm pretty sure we didn't become friends. I cut him in half and shoved him in my mouth napkin in hand fully prepared if things went south. This all happened before we could even have a proper conversation. I didn't apologize to the beet for saying i hated him before I even gave him a chance, but then again he didn't apologize for tasting like a soggy carrot fraud.

Anna-Liisa's Wedding Ceremony

We are recruiting Alex and EB to be the ring bearers. They will be riding in on donkeys with unicorn horns on them (the donkeys, not Alex and EB). There will also be a photo session after the ceremony where you can take photos with the boys and the donkey-unicorns. There will be a nice airbrushed sunset scene in the background. Great for re-purposing for Christmas card photos.

Also, there will be donkey unicorn ice sculpture arches at the reception. There will be two donkey-unicorns on the left and right they will be attached, creating the archway, via the magic coming out of their horns. Beautiful.

Last Night's Caitlin Quotes

caits: "My phone was right by my butt so I thought, 'Am I farting?'"

--

will: "Have you seen Brazil?"
caits: "The country?"

--

caitlin to anna-liisa: "Don't you wish you and i were flamenco dancers? And tori was too? And we could go on tour?"

A Little Self Indulgence

Today, I wanted to change my facebook profile to say that I was engaged just to see how many people congratulated me, but then I thought it would interfere with my real life too much.

In other news, to update you on the previous post I have two more reason why Lee is my bother:

1. he has almost the exact same teal/aqua ford ranger that my dad has
2. they were wearing identical hats when they were working on the garage today. adorable.

also, thanks to mister weston for offering up his own brother for my own. family tally is now: 4 girls 2 boys.