Penguin: A Brief History

On a neon light filled sky a few days back, Caitlin won a dear new friend.

The night began when Alex, EB, Caits, and I decided to take a night stroll around the Boulder Creek Festival. While most of the vendors had given up on sales for the day and left abandoned half raised tents for the morrow, the newest addition to the festival had just got its second wind. This new addition, of carnival rides and games was a far cry from the festivals normal sites: the handmade hemp doggie leashes, the “do you have a minute for the environment” folk, and the 600 flavors of organic honey.

We didn’t really fit in with the crowd of scantily clad teenage ladies giggling at teenage boys attempting to sport their first mustaches and the various carnie folk who looked sincerely bored and just couldn’t wait for another smoke break. This scene would never stop Caits from finding a true friend amongst the carnies and angsty teenage folk.

As we walked from each game with their stuffed offers dangling from the walls and ceilings, like meat hanging in a butcher shop, Caits spotted a game she demanded we all had to play.

It was the horse race game, where you roll a ball into various holes, which equate to various point values. Instead of horses, this game had English Bull Terriers on various pastel colored surfboards, and instead of 15 players we had four; the four of us. I rolled the ball twice and the game was over. Either it was a lot harder when I was a kid or they increased the pace of the horses (well in our case surfing dogs) to make the games end quicker. Anyways the pace of the game is not what matters here, but what does is the prize Caits chose after her victorious win: a penguin.

For his first adventure as a free penguin, we took him to a little spot in Ireland called Connor O’Neills. We took pictures and laughed the night away.

Well, that was until a gentleman came up to the table and asked Caitlin, “Can I see your penguin?”

Being the generous, penguin sharing person she is, Caits hande over the penguin. Apparently, the gentleman was looking for a baby penguin for his niece. Since we could give him no answers regarding baby penguins, we went back to taking penguin photographs.

XXX

After arriving in Boulder for the summer, I felt it necessary to go to King Soopers and buy some sustenance. Boulder tends to be a health conscious city, which can only mean one thing: more flavors of Vitamin Water to choose from.

The stores in Virginia (or more notably The Market) stock themselves full with the more mainstream of the Vitamin Water flavors: you know your 50 cent, focus (the kelly clarkson one), power-c (dragonfruit) and energy (the yellow one). While I usually gravitate toward the 50 cent and the dragonfruit (because I have no idea exactly what a dragonfruit is exactly, except something obviously amazing as indicated by the name), I stumbled upon the oh so delicious acai-blueberry-pomegranate flavor or XXX as it is named.

My love for Vitamin Water started even before I had actually ever had any of the delicious nectar to start with. It started with the Vitamin Water trucks. They are so delightful to the eye, with their line of flavors in color coordination.



But once I actually got my hands on a bottle I realized, not only were they delightful to look at, but they also had witty recaps of the flavors on each bottle. The xxx reads:

c'mon, get your mind out of the gutter. we only named this drink xxx because it has the power of triple antioxidants to keep you healthy and fight free radicals. so in case you're wondering, this does not cost $1.99/minute or contain explicit adult content or anything considered 'uncensored'. it has not 'gone wild!!!' during spring break nor will clips of it be passed around the internet like a certain hotel heiress. and it has never been seen live or nude, but it is definitely au naturale.

I'm not sure how to end this now. perhaps a poll on what I should have ended with:

a. a nudie picture of jenna jameson
b. a link to coupons for FREE burritos
d. a pony picture

AH HA!

So to update you on the post about the dips, they are actually called Dibs. They are bite sized ice cream snacks apparently. Here is a link to the commercials. They still make no sense.

Dips Commercials

and here is a pony for good measure:

time machines

from the front porch i can see to the west.

it stretches, bends and eventually
wraps back round again.

warped clocks line walls,
created with unknown,
particular intent.

each hung and rearranged
as
seconds,
days,
years,
pass.

some are forever missing
or stolen.

others,
wait.
still
ticking.

Do Dips Instead

I was watching the tele yesterday and I found myself curiously amused about a commercial I had just watched. Imagine:

Open on a man and woman sitting on a bench with a grassy area behind them.
The man is eating a soft pretzel.
The woman is eating something unidentifiable out of an orange box.
Eventually, their silence is broken by the man who looks at his pretzel and is pissed off he doesn't have these "Dips" that she is eating.
He thows his soft pretzel to the side and eats one of her "Dips."
Cut to title card and tag which says "Try Dips instead."
There is a nice product shot and a soft pretzel faded in the background.

After the commercial was over I didn't really think much of it until it struck me, were Dips the anti-pretzel? Did all the research show Dips consumers eat soft pretzels but would rather be eating Dips? How large exactly is the soft pretzel eating community?

How did they sell this idea in the pitch? "Well, we really need to go after the 'soft-pretzeler.' Market research shows 89.23% of the potential Dips market is currently eating only soft pretzels. So what we are going to do is let those 'soft-pretzelers' know to put down the pretzel and try dips instead. This lead to our wonderful creative."

I had left this Dips/soft pretzel strangeness to rest assuming, yes of course all the research showed Dips consumers are currently eating soft pretzels and all the advertising needs to do is show them there is something out there was better to eat, Dips of course.

But then I decided to blog about them.

I did a brief search of youtube hoping someone had posted this strange pretzel eating population targeted commercial, but I couldn't find anything. I wasn't surprised. But I was surprised when I did a google search to have at least a picture to show you of these treats but I couldn't find those either. I kept getting special recipes for strawberry yummy dip or Spiderman fun dip, neither of which lead me any closer to answers regarding this strange product.

Maybe the soft pretzel eating community overthrew these Dips, which are invading upon their turf: Renaissance Festivals and ball parks. Perhaps, it was French's mustard. Dips and mustard, I don't think so.

In lieu of no Dips photography I give you: